So I wrtote for a little over an hour and this is what I came up with

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So I wrtote for a little over an hour and this is what I came up with

Post  KindOfBlue06 on Wed Jan 25, 2012 10:45 pm

An Interlude On New Year's Eve

I muscled my way to the back of the crowded venue and made my exit, still thinking about the ripe possibilities of the evening. Making my way down the escelator, my hand fumbled in my pocket and carresed the wad of twenties that lay between my phone and cigarettes as a wry smile slowly spread across my face.

Upon entering the casino, the throbbing of my feet caused me to sit promptly down amidst the throbbing pulse of the place at a mermaid themed slot machine, and feeding the machine a ten, I decided to gamble for a bit as I rested my weary soles. To my annoyance(and later extreme luck) you were only permitted to smoke in the bar area. After my luck peaked with a fifteen dollar winning, I decided to make my way through the maze of people to the bar. The manhattans(served neat to my surprise and delight) I had had earlier were beginning to wear off, and I wanted to retain the humming glow of the liqour in time to see the ball drop.

I decided against another manhattan after surveying the bar and realizing to my dismay that they didn't stock my favored brand, so I instead insisted on a crown royal on the rocks. I immideately found an open table not too far from the bar with one chair and an ashtray(my presence must have been expected, I thought to myself) and upon sitting down, lit up a cigarette as the whiskey coated my throat. It was now 11:00 and the place was allready beginning to hum and heave with excitement and anticipation.

As I sat sipping my drink, I began to take in the twinkling rhythm of the crowd. The ding of the slot machines, the hurried chatter, laughter and clinking of glasses all played on like a grand hedenous symphony. My eyeballs grew wide in their sockets and the liqour began to slowly heat my blood. As the hands of the clock inched closer to midnight, the whole joint seemed to pusle and sway with a racaous lawelessness. I began then to think back on my year, my triumps and adventures, my failures and lessons. Warmth and pride began to swell in my being and I reveled in it.

Had I not come on this great adventure to Atlantic City, perhaps these intimations, these raw glimpses of life would have never come to me. Or perhaps it is I who search them out. Perhaps it is I alone who wrings out the beauty and life from these moments. Alas, I pause drink in hand and breathe in the wildness of the night. Soon midnight will be upon us and the crowd is beginning to grow. The scent of cigarettes, sweat and unknown perfumes grows thick in my nostrils. The feverish din of the crowd turns into a maddening roar, a whirling howl -and I in the middle of it! And it is here, amongst all this chaos, amongst the savegeness that I feel truly alive.

Count it down from 10 9 8 7 6...all the way down to 1 and then the drop of the ball. The New Year. The crowd thins shortly after, but I stick around and decide to switch to champaigne after a young couple cozied up to my table with some. As I pour my champainge, my eyes scan the horizon to rest at last on a beautiful blonde walking towards me. She has trouble getting the bartenders attention so like the sly gentleman I am, I signal him over to us and wait with a grin as she orders herself a drink that she probably shouldn't have considering she is allready noticeably drunk.

"What are you doing here?" she asks me.
"I'm from Detoit. Me and some friends went to the Brand New show, and I'm waiting for them to get out" I tell her. "what about you, are you just here gambling?"
"Come closer." she signals me, and my body is allready moving, my eyes on her full lips.
"come closer," she says again "closer."
finally, I cup her face in my palm and I kiss her. After a few blissull moments, I pull away and she begins to blush. This irks her memory and she then proceeds to tell me about how lucky I am that her boyfriend isn;t here right now, how he'll be coming any minute and how she must go find him. All I can do is laugh a full laugh and send her on her way.

I finish my champaigne and my third cigarette of the evening and make my way back towards the concert hall where my friends are eagerly awaiting me. As I leave the casino, I glance back once more at the crowd, at the lights and the slots. I know that this night will forever burn with bright incandesence in my memory. I make my way out as the casino behind me lays gleaming beautifully like a diamond.

KindOfBlue06

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You had great success here...

Post  OpRise on Sat Feb 04, 2012 4:36 pm

...in making me want some whiskey and a cigarette Smile Nice to read about those small introvert moments, breaks in a social evening, where you're the king/queen of your domain...in the thick of the world - the sounds and scents permeating you - but also isolated, a complete life going on in your head. I loved that moment of daring/confidence when he kissed the girl at the bar. It was as if the external and internal worlds collided for an instant, perfectly present, and gave him whatever he needed to go back and join his friends. I thought these two paragraphs were particularly effective in style:
As I sat sipping my drink, I began to take in the twinkling rhythm of the crowd. The ding of the slot machines, the hurried chatter, laughter and clinking of glasses all played on like a grand hedenous symphony. My eyeballs grew wide in their sockets and the liqour began to slowly heat my blood. As the hands of the clock inched closer to midnight, the whole joint seemed to pusle and sway with a racaous lawelessness. I began then to think back on my year, my triumps and adventures, my failures and lessons. Warmth and pride began to swell in my being and I reveled in it.

Had I not come on this great adventure to Atlantic City, perhaps these intimations, these raw glimpses of life would have never come to me. Or perhaps it is I who search them out. Perhaps it is I alone who wrings out the beauty and life from these moments. Alas, I pause drink in hand and breathe in the wildness of the night. Soon midnight will be upon us and the crowd is beginning to grow. The scent of cigarettes, sweat and unknown perfumes grows thick in my nostrils. The feverish din of the crowd turns into a maddening roar, a whirling howl -and I in the middle of it! And it is here, amongst all this chaos, amongst the savegeness that I feel truly alive.

It's the language!: the twinkling rhythm of the crowd, played like a grand hedenous [hedonistic, but the way you say it flows better here, i like it!] symphony, eyeballs grew wide in their sockets [you can Feel it!], raucous lawlessness, wrings out the beauty and life from these moments, breath in the wildness of the night, grows thick in my nostrils, a whirling howl [yes! like a thick cloud surrounding your inner peace].... and the philosophical bent! - amongst the savageness that I feel truly alive.
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OpRise

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Re: So I wrtote for a little over an hour and this is what I came up with

Post  KindOfBlue06 on Sun Feb 05, 2012 6:10 am

Thank You! My God, how I tried to capture that great moment in my life just right -I felt that I didn't do it justice, but I see now that perhaps I did. Those feelings, those raw glimpses of life are so dear to me that it really means alot that it managed to touch you in some way. That hour was so brutal as I was trying to capture the right words for it and to create the right atmosphere. I'm really glad that you liked it, and thanks once again!

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Re: So I wrtote for a little over an hour and this is what I came up with

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