Adversity-a short story by Chwimleian

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Adversity-a short story by Chwimleian

Post  Chwimleian on Thu Jan 26, 2012 3:31 am

Snap. Thud. Whoosh. 


Running. Running from the darkness. The forest is dark around you. Your heart pounds in your chest as you leap over an obstacle. You can hear them getting closer...closer. 

Twang-chuck. 

The arrows. The arrows are raining down. One nearly misses your head, but you swerve just in time. Was it luck or skill? You have no time to dwell on such things. You run faster and faster. The enemy is gaining speed. Taught muscles, stretched, aim for the target. You.

The forest floor rushes towards your face. You have tripped, fallen. The enemy now surrounds you. You try to stare at them, try to identify your assailants. But you cannot. You cannot get past those blood red eyes. 

And as you stare, helplessly, those eyes, those blood red eyes, they stare back. Into your heart, nay-into your very soul, they stare. They smile at you, those blood red eyes. They can smell your fear. 

The figure moves to where you lay. You watch in terror. You don't see the arrow, pointed directly at your chest. You see only those blood red eyes. You are fixated on them. And suddenly, as you stare, you hear a noise-what is that noise? You don't dare look to see where it has come from. 

The eyes, the eyes are fading now. Everything grows dim, images swirling, pain pounding in your chest. You understand what has happened. And as you breathe your last, you open your eyes one last time. You stare defiantly into those blood red eyes. 

And then darkness. 


What is that light? That bright, white light. It beckons you to awaken now. You open your eyes...and look. You are astonished at what you see. It is daytime!

How can this be, you ask yourself. And then you look down, down at your chest. There is a scar there, right over your heart. Pink and faded it sits, moon-shaped in appearance. You smile at it, and it smiles back. 

Slowly, your memory returns. And suddenly, you panic-where is the figure? You look around frantically, searching and searching. But there is no one. You are alone in the forest. But the trees do not taunt this fact. For trees understand the burden of endurance. Their branches like limbs, offering you solace and peace. And as you watch the breeze sway those limbs, those dainty yet majestic limbs, the sunlight twinkles through. 

You stare at the sunlight, the beautiful sunlight. And you smile once again. 

"I have won."


-------


Just a little something, I guess. I admit that it's half-assed, spontaneous writing. No idea if it's decent or horrible, but oh well-this place is for improvement, right? It's one of those stories that can have several interpretations to different people, so feel free to share what it means to you if you'd like (but be nice, please D:! ). Smile
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Chwimleian

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Re: Adversity-a short story by Chwimleian

Post  Lichen on Thu Jan 26, 2012 4:26 am

I really liked it. I found myself being intrigued by the end of it. The imagery of the forest was really nice. I love the idea of people triumphing over adversity, they are some of my favourite stories. My first impression was that the person was having a dream of a previous battle where they narrowly escaped death, but perhaps surviving the battle can serve as a metaphor for overcoming adversity in other aspects of life, especially since the wound is close to the person's heart which makes me think it might represent some kind of personal battle. I like that the theme was of a person surviving adversity, because sometimes survival itself can be the best victory.
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Re: Adversity-a short story by Chwimleian

Post  Admin on Fri Jan 27, 2012 3:04 am

What I liked most of all was the fact that it was written in second person. Don't see too much of that, so it was a fun read! Second person has a way of getting you to really feel in the middle of the action, a definite real-time effect. I've never tried writing in it, I bet it can be a bit of a challenge to get right! I thought the beginning and ending were done very well. I enjoyed the fast-paced action. I liked the middle as well, just had to read it through a couple more times to get it straight. What it all said to me was something like "the troubles you run from aren't as bad as you think, it's all in your mind, the world is waiting for you to step up and claim your own" and I like that. Especially these lines in particular: "For trees understand the burden of endurance. Their branches like limbs, offering you solace and peace." ^_^

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Re: Adversity-a short story by Chwimleian

Post  FairyDust on Mon Jan 30, 2012 4:06 am

lovely! fast and furious! I admire your talent. I have problems with writing stories, I can drone on and on and on like Tolkien about the surroundings and smells and tastes and be very long winded. I find it difficult to start a story hit the right time for the climax and finish it correctly. So I tend to just stick to poetry.

Very nice read, It makes my imagination want to fill in more details.

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Great read!

Post  OpRise on Sat Feb 04, 2012 3:36 pm

I enjoyed this a lot. The imagery and flow is like poetry, which is a pleasure to read. You build suspense well, and I Loved the personification (forest, trees, scar, adversity). A good overall feel, and keeps you thinking after you finish reading. Loved the scar smiling back up at you. The only thought I had while reading is maybe saying red eyes in a different ways since the term is used in quick succession, like crimson orbs or something like that. Great read, and I look forward to reading more of your work. ^^
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Re: Adversity-a short story by Chwimleian

Post  TheBikloptiKon on Wed Feb 08, 2012 2:38 am

Kudos for writing in 2nd person, it's a gutsy move that most don't go for. That paired with the perspective of one (or should I say me?) running through the forest made for an exciting read. Call me crazy, but I get the sense that won't be the first time protagonist is chased nocturnally in this particualar forest. Wait a minute... the scar's a memento, and serves to remind one of this specific battle, if that's not finality I don't know what is. Bleh, don't know what to think, I'll call myself crazy. Anyway, great work, please keep the words flowin' Very Happy
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