This is What

Go down

This is What

Post  dansvan3 on Sat Feb 18, 2012 10:54 pm

reading Yeats
slowly under a pine
to a deaf girl
as she gently
holds your neck
like a flower stem,

she begins to cry.

she nestles the lump
in your throat
with her fingers,
and puts her head
on your chest
and sighs;

she will never hear
the weeping willows,
the crying aves
that circle the sky
and fall;
the maddening whirl of frequencies,

but she will hear you
and you are all that

she fades to and under
her own heaving and falling
chest, like a bellows
out of tune,
still eager
to sing
and hear it sung.

dansvan3

Posts : 2
Join date : 2012-02-17

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Re: This is What

Post  WordsandSilence on Wed Feb 22, 2012 8:08 pm

I found that evocative. Thanks for sharing it.

Some details I liked: the specific use of "pine" vs. tree and "Yeats" vs. poetry. I like the uncommon use of "aves," effective use of second person cinematic present tense, the list of things "she will never" leading to "but she will," the words "the maddening whirl of frequencies," and the repeated "she" beginning almost every stanza.

I look forward to seeing more.

WordsandSilence

Posts : 8
Join date : 2012-02-22

View user profile

Back to top Go down

Back to top


 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum