Indian Airport

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Indian Airport

Post  TheBikloptiKon on Wed Feb 01, 2012 11:32 am

Code:
One night, I arrived in India
A mark
A sore thumb hitching a ride on a highway of madness
Mallik, so full of Malice mixed with "sacred" bullshit, approaches
   great clothes, great smile, great english
A great brown shark.
He greets, gestures and compliments
   dishonesty oozing out his every pore
I shake the offered hand, wanting to believe
Naieve.
   Stupid.
      Yet aware...
A kernel at my core thrashes about, hurling itself against the walls of desired delusion.
Still, I smile. Still, I await the cab he says will come.
Men look in our direction, heads shaking, waiting by their checkered steeds
Proud lions, eying the hyena who ran off with the haunch of their prized gazelle
No, not a gazelle, but a deer caught in the headlights
who dared venture forth from the forest into the jungle

Some would say that lions do not live in the jungle, but those some probably haven't been to India.
A cab comes, yellow, checkered and dented
I hop in and we head off
Into a moonlit jungle, alive with the movements of frenzied, green-eyed sharks.


**Didn't realize until the end that I used the word jungle like ninety times.
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TheBikloptiKon

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Re: Indian Airport

Post  studentofrhythm on Wed Feb 01, 2012 12:18 pm

I like the uses of metaphor here and the way you blend them. They work for me, as well as the Mallik-malice pun. And the sparing use of rhyme -- believe-naive -- makes it effective.

Also, in my judgment you end the poem at the right time to make your point.

I wouldn't worry about using "jungle" so often, except maybe the last instance. To me it fits well with the theme of the whole work.
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Re: Indian Airport

Post  TheBikloptiKon on Thu Feb 02, 2012 11:38 am

Thank you so much Very Happy I transcribed this from an original a while back, but changed a few words during the process. I winced when I saw the jungle thing and noticed a repeat of the word checkered as well. But honestly, sharing poetry is not something I do too often, so all and all, a victory. I've been trying to work on new poems/writings, but I'm falling prey to my own harsh scrutiny.
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Re: Indian Airport

Post  OpRise on Sat Feb 04, 2012 4:58 pm

I too loved your use of metaphor here. It captures an elemental nature of things outside the bubble. I too would lose "jungle" in the last line, but overall, quite enjoyable language, flow, and slice of reality.
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