Song lyrics - spaceship

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Song lyrics - spaceship

Post  studentofrhythm on Tue Jan 31, 2012 2:54 pm

Here are lyrics to a song for which I have the basic tune worked out and some of the accompaniment. The lyrics are based on a couple of dreams I've had, as are several of my songs. I feel they're coming along, but could use some work. Maybe it's not helpful to post them without the tune: they have to fit its meter and that has shaped my word choices. Maybe you can discern the meter just from the text.
---
Starlight shines on our faces through the viewscreen.
Now it’s so bright we have to shield our eyes.
We’re in a ship that is slowly drawing closer
to a star far away from home.

Here next to me is a girl I went to school with,
and I’m surprised that she came along.
In the fifth grade and in sixth and seventh and eighth
the two of us never got along.

But we can be friends forever
‘cuz we’ll have to work together.
Forget about what your crowd would say –
I need a navigator. We’ll explore the stars and worlds,
the universe together.

Down in the air, down in this world’s atmosphere,
let’s bring her in for a landing now.
We’ll look around in this port for some new crewmates.
Maybe we’ll find some more kids from class.

It’s such a sight that you don’t want to miss out,
when we come to that tall city.
Endlessly lit by a faint celestial twilight,
it feels just like waking up.

And we will be friends forever
and we'll have to work together
etc. . . .
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Re: Song lyrics - spaceship

Post  OpRise on Mon Feb 06, 2012 1:56 am

That IS dreamlike Smile I would love to hear it with the music because I am not musical and can't discern the meter. I imagine it with a lighthearted tune, some irregularities, and a few long sweeps (something like Fiery Furnaces), but I'm sure I'm totally off Razz I hesitate to say much about the writing specifically because songs are so much different sung than on paper. I like the idea, though, and I think it's different and interesting...and when he says not to worry about her crowd bc he needs a navigator, humorous.
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Re: Song lyrics - spaceship

Post  TheBikloptiKon on Wed Feb 08, 2012 2:27 am

Very interesting, I like that it's sort of narrative in feel. I like being told an open ended story in song form. I also liked the way the song paces it self, the story moves and keeps a beat. I especially loved
Forget about what your crowd would say –
I need a navigator.
It's a hopeful song, altogether. I noticed you put etc at the end... I'm not sure if there's anything else you could say, but you wouldn't be shooting yourself in the foot by keeping this length. Two lined verses that trail at the end work, but I'm not hearing the musical aspect of things, so I'm not sure if it would work out. All and all, great piece.
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Re: Song lyrics - spaceship

Post  studentofrhythm on Wed Feb 08, 2012 6:53 pm

Thanks guys. The "etc" just means that the rest of the chorus repeats. There are several tune fragments I need to piece together for this - the verses so far have just the piano doubling the vocal melody and drums sketched out.
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